ZOOM ZOOM

I feel like my life is never on a stand still. Oh how I wish it was sometimes, but then again I love to travel and I love the adventure! Yet again me and my dad are going up to Salt Lake City, on one of his random whimsical trips, I have no idea what I am going to do there, but hey I love the vacations. I know that this is my last summer to really get out there and do things, and let me tell you I have. I dont think I have been home for more than a week, or been sleep at my house consistently for more than a few days. I know that my parents hate it, and I think they really miss me, but they understand. Its my last summer, I want to live it up and have as much fun as possible. Next year Ill be out of the house for good, and into a new apartment and onto a new life. So this year I am living the zoom zoom life. Always going, never stopping, and making every second count. I love these trips with my dad to Salt Lake. We always listen to music, talk about life, talk about the past, make each other laugh, and just enjoy each others company. I have realized that I am really going to miss my dad when I leave to go to college. I cant handle one week without him, I have no idea how I am going to handle a whole year!! Anyways this was just a little bit of ranting, I was just fascinated with the fact that I travel oh so much, I hope to continue that quality about me for the rest of my life!!

Home Sick

It has been almost three years since I left Moab Utah to come here to St. George for school. In all this time you would think a girl could not get home sick, but I do. I was looking at an article today in the slc tribune about the Grand County Red Devils football team and I started to cry. I really miss going to football games and seeing all my favorite players win a game. Here we are approaching are senior year and I wish I was there to walk down and get our diplomas together. Now dont get me wrong I love, I mean absolutely love, being here at Tuacahn High School. I am Senior Class president, 2 years sober, pretty popular in school, getting great grades, and preparing myself for a life of college. I am really loving my life here and everyone in it. But then there are days like today that I wish I was there, watching my team go out on the field, make some touchdowns, win the big game, go to the after party and celebrate with all my favorite players. I wish I was cheering the red devils name and making every moment with them count. I loved moab so much, I loved my friends and I loved the small town life. But it was so bad for me there, I am such a better person here, I feel better, happier. I just feel a little sad. I want to be there with them. They all seem so happy. I guess this is just a part of moving forward. I knew these days would come where I would regret leaving home. But I think in the end, when I am up on stage with my graduating class of Tuachan High School, and I am giving my speech to them, I will be proud to be up there. I will smile at them and be glad to wear the colors of the Titans. In the end it was the best decision for me. I wish my fellow seniors back and home in Moab good luck, have a great year, and make it last. Make sure to make a few touch downs for me and remember that these are the best years of your life, so celebrate the good times.

Come Back........?

Why is it that when you are finally over a guy they decide to show back up into your life. Like always I forget about the people I left behind in Moab. I am really proud of myself every time I do because I like to move on with my life and search for new, and better things. But I have come to realize that those feelings never last, that right when I feel okay about letting go, those very people come back into my life and make it worse than last time. I want to live my life knowing that I can move on with it. But right now I need to let the world know how I am feeling. So I am going to rant for a minute about how I feel about that very person, and maybe one day he will read this and understand.

I am getting really tired of you coming back into my life. I hate how you make me feel and how I cant sleep, eat, think, talk, act, or do anything in my life without thinking about you. It is bad enough that I have to dream about you and know that it will never happen. But when you come into my life and try to make me feel that way again, well I dont appreciate it to say the least. I am better, I am moving on with my life and I want you out of it. But to be honest I am addicted to you, and I know that is so cliche, but I dont care. Its very true, when you come back and tell me that you want to see me, or you ask me how I am I want to tell you im bad, that you hurt me, that most days I wish that I had never met you, that when I am alone sometimes I cry out for you to help me. I see my friends all moving on and I want to be there. I want you to know that I hate this, that I want it all, or I want nothing. But that would be a lie. Because I want to be in your life, and I want you to be in mine. Its been a long time, but I still wish on a star that you will come back and realize that you need me. I want to be the girl that makes you happy, that you can count on. I am angry, sad, disappointed, disoriented, crazy, tired, and confused about you. I will tell you one day that I love you, that I needed you all those years, and I know you will laugh and let me know you have never felt the same, but I will tell you because I want you to know that I am done, that I wont be thinking about you anymore. That day is not today, and when you see me walking towards you, well you'll know that I am out............for good.

Sometimes people come in and out of your life, sometimes they leave marks that can fade in a day, but sometimes they leave imprints that burn your skin for a lifetime and you do everything you can to heal yourself. Those people deserve to know how they made you feel, they deserve to understand that although you might not of left a mark with them, they burned their mark into your heart and soul, and that you are trying your hardest to make it go away. Those people deserve to see you get married, to watch you move on with your life and to leave behind their memory in the sand. If any girl out there knows how I have felt, which I know there are girls out there, then remember your not alone, and that one day the world will change. You will get better, You will move on, You will love again, and You will survive.

Girls Camp

Wow, so after all the incredible experiences of bear lake, I got to leave my family and head up to the top of a mountain, so I could not shower for another 4 days. WOOT!! I was not very happy to be going to girls camp to begin with, I wanted to stay at bear lake and be with my family, but I had paid up my money and the girls/leaders were counting on me. So we took the long trip to St. George, I stuffed yet another suitcase full of junk, took what seemed to be a decent shower, then I was off the next morning for high altitudes and a lot of hiking! YIKES!! But what can I say, I did it.

The first day there seemed to take forever, but we got to go to Kolob Resevior and canoe and chi-ac for our first stake activity. The water felt great and I loved the feeling of moving the oars along the smooth surface. Although I did get a blister from rowing so much. That night after we got back, we ate dinner and went down to a fireside where we wore our lanterns and our tee shirts as our ward ID. Let me tell you that was an interesting fireside, where I made a fool of myself in front of the whole stake! But that night when we got back I gave my second devotional, I talked to the girls about light, and letting the world see that you have it. We each turned on our lantern one by one and lit the whole tent up, I felt so warm and incredibly spiritually high afterwards that I could not sleep. Me and some of the girls stayed up talking and laughing and just getting to know each other.

The next morning we were all pretty tired but we had some cool activities planed, such as shooting/archery, and repelling. After we did some more crafts and had some free time we headed down to the shooting range. I was so happy to get to fire a gun and shoot an arrow. It was one of my favorite activities. The girls really seemed to love it too. Then we climbed up to repelling, and boy let me tell you I HATED THAT ACTIVITY!!!! We sat up on a steep mountain for 3 hours so that I could get cramps and have to walk back down. POINTLESS I tell you. That night we went snipe hunting with the girls, and I have never laughed so hard in my life. There was so much screaming and running around that the girls just kept freaking out!! SO FUNNY

The final full day we went on what the camp called Mountain Man, which translates into really boring down hill elevation drop that takes you to a camp full of cranky men and a hot headed woman just so we could shoot some stuff and listen to the boring people talk. (I know long translation) But seriously that was such a horrible day. It was hot and the people were so boring that I fell asleep at most of the stations. They all had dumb nicknames, but the worst one was Soyer, I hated that man, he was very rude and never shut up!! Not my kind of man. But the worst thing about that whole day was the hike back. It was so hard that I got sick a little over half way through and started throwing up, but the advantage to that was that I got a Rhino ride the rest of the way up! Score! That night we had testimony meeting with the bishop ric and I have never felt so much spirit. The girls were all very open with their feelings and I was so proud of all of them.

Girls camp was such and amazing experience, and although I know I didn't want to go, I ended up having on of the best times of my life. I love nature and I love my ward!

But, I do love to be clean....HOME!

The lake

Okay so, heres the deal, I went to bear lake with my family about a week ago, but I am just getting home from girls camp (which is a completely different story), So I have to write about the experience about a week later lol.

So first off, Bear Lake is incredible and I look forward to that experience every year. I love being with my Aunt Sarah and her kids, but I also love the friends I have there. Like my dear friend Hank. Last year me and Hank bonded quiet a lot and I was so happy to see him again. But really the main highlight of that whole adventure was my cousin, Marie. Me and her really clicked this year, and I was so happy to get to know her a lot more, on a deeper level. We swam, we walked, we ate together, well we did everything we could together. Then after days of sunburns and family fun I had to take the long drive back to St. George. It was so hard to leave my family there, but I tell you what, I learned so much from them in just a few days. I was so glad to know that my family cares for me and my dad. I could never have asked for a better experience. It was like pulling teeth to get me to leave. I really loved the time I spent there. But alas I had duties to fulfill and obligations to attend to. So I said my goodbyes and regretted it the whole way home.

But here are some good highlights from the trip,

ONE~ I got to spend quality time with long lost familia!

TWO~ I got a pretty nice tan from the relaxing sun.

THREE~ I got some good ideas for my devotional

FOUR~ I had some serious conversations about college and life after high school.

FIVE~ I made a great new friend, and hope to keep him in my life.

SIX~ I got to experience the cold water of the lake!!!

SEVEN~ I tried the best lime-raspberry shake EVER!

EIGHT~ I saw an incredible sunset that could take any photographers breath away.

Bear lake has become a second home to me and I hope to return there often

Mt. Hike all Day till you Die!!!

Okay first off I need to give a little refresher: I am in Salt lake City visiting my family, and boy what an amazing two days it has been. Family means the world to me, and on my dad's side we have a lot of love. Yesterday my cousin Mark came to Salt Lake so that he could go to the MTC to prepare for his mission in Arizona. Little did Mark know, that when you come to Salt Lake the Doty's make it an event, not just a visit. I dont think he had any idea that we all wanted to see him so when the whole family came to grandmas just for him I think he was a little shocked. Anyway Grandma cooked a big o' meal and we ate and visited like good pals. It was a great day. Then I went camping with my Aunt Sarah and my cousins in the mountains, we didnt really do much but sleep but it was a pretty great time. I love my family lol.

So now that you are caught up on the happenings lets move forward to the story of the Mountain.

Mt. Timpanogos is the really tall mountain in Salt Lake that people like to climb to get to the Timpanogos Cave at the very very tippy tippy top. It is one of the steepest climbs in Utah and the also one of the most difficult. My family decided to have a little adventure and climb that very thing. So we set off at about 9 am and and started to climb, one hour late we were at the top at approximately 6,700 ft of elevation. I was so tired and about ready to hit my family for taking me on this hike that I wanted to die!! But the cave turned out to be refreshingly cold and really awesome. We had fun and it was a really cool experience and I am proud of all of us that did it. But let me tell you the getting down part was not so fun. ANYWAY... That is the story, if you ever want to climb this mountain try it out, its worth it, just know that when you think your half way and the tour guide says we passed the easy part...... there is no way you have!!

Kneel to Heal

What a wonderful feeling it is to kneel down and talk with the Lord. When life is frustrating and hard I know that I can talk to my Father in Heaven and let him help me through the day. It been a hard thing for me to pray, and I know that I need to work on it, so today when I got really upset and needed to do something about it, I was glad for the feeling to kneel down and have a little chat. Now although I wont tell you exactly the conversation, I will tell you that it is refreshing to feel like you really got an answer. I hate feeling angry and frustrated with my life, its like a weight that tends to increase as I try to get rid of it by various jobs, such as cleaning or pacing around my room. I felt that after all my trying and trying I needed to give it over to the Lord. My uncle always tells me to "accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and to give the rest over to the Lord". I believe in that whole heartedly. I know that the Lord can help us with any challenge especially one that involves becoming more humble. I love the thought that Jesus Christ knows every kind of pain, frustration, anger, agony, and any other emotion I have felt, and has suffered for them with his life. If I can turn to anyone to know that I am not alone it has to be Him. I am grateful for this knowledge, and for the opportunity I have to kneel and pray to my Father in Heaven and ask for forgiveness. Thanks for listening to a bit of preaching. Try it sometime. :)

Anxious Senior

So I am senior class president at Tuacahn High School and I am scared to death!! I am so afraid that this year wont work out or that I wont do my job like I should be doing. I want to come up with cool class parties that actually mean something to us. Plus I want to make memories with my class. I want so much for us and I just cant make up my mind. My Vice President and myself have tons of ideas, but what to do, what to do. I have cool ideas like a collage, or a painting, just something to remember our class by. I want to do a breakfast, or maybe a dinner, just with our class. I want to go to a college fair in Vegas so our class can get a better perspective of the real world. I want to give them so much, and help them succeed in life; but how do I do such a thing? I really love Tuacahn and I think we have one of the most amazing student councils anyone could ever ask for, with the President being our lovely and talented, Victoria Graff!! She has come up with some great ideas for next year, but I want the Seniors to know that we are special, one of a kind, and make them enjoy every moment of there Senior Year. I wish someone would give me some ideas, maybe a theme for just the Seniors.. Ugh... I hope it all works out, I hope I do a good job and I hope that my class knows I love every one of them.

3rd of July AKA St. GEEZZY's 4th

Today me and my girls, Aubrey and Noelle, went to the park in the middle of town to hang out and watch the fireworks! It was a lot of fun, even though we were only there for a couple of hours. It had to be one of my favorite nights. We walked around to get our work out before girls camp, I think three laps around the park aught to do it! We got little blinky-light necklaces for only $2, what a steal!! (haha) Another great deal we found was a big slushy, I mean this thing was massive, for only $3, seriously this monster of a snow cone feed 3 hungry girls without a problem. It was way fun. It was a party in the park, like no joke. Everyone one was a little drunk, or getting there. But there were some sober people, and we had a lot of fun. I saw some old friends that I hadnt seen in a while and was very excited. BUT Noelle saw somany people she "knew". After the pretty cool fireworks show we booked it to the car and went over to Dairy Queen, only after making the scariest U-turn of my life, were we proceeded to wait for traffic to slow down and enjoy some ice cream. I havent laughed so hard in a long time, somehow we got on the conversation of Alpacas and having them as a pet. (haha) Gosh I have never enjoyed my friends so much. We really are made to be friends. After Dairy Queen we gave Noelle a 101 driving lesson, which wasnt as scary as I thought it was going to be, she likes to drive REALLY SLOW!! All in all it was a great imitation 4th of July. I love my friends so very much!!

Someone Is Missing Her Momma

Its been so weird these past few years living without my mother. Sure, their have been people to help me along, like my dear auntie (aka second mom). But no one can really replace my mom. She loves me in a way that is hard to explain. I would do anything for my mother. I miss her a lot lately. I keep wishing she was here with me to share my life, like my dad is. I wish she could be the one giving me advice or going shopping with me. I wish she was here all the time. I really cherish the moments we have together when I visit, but every time I leave I feel like I am leaving something important behind. I know that I am leaving in a year to go off to college and start a new chapter of my life, but I wish my mom was here for this last, crucial year. She is the sweetest person and has such a wonderful spirit, I wish she saw what I see sometimes. She is beautiful and strong, kind and caring. She loves her kids in a unique way and would do what she could to love them. Sometimes I dream of laying in her lap and her petting my hair and telling me that everything is okay. Its hard to explain, but no other person could replace the feeling in my heart that I have for my mom. I love her and miss her terribly.

One step I was 2, the next I grew.

One step I was 10, then I grew again.

Two steps came, and then Three, until one day I was 18.

Five steps past, and I am out the door.

Six steps past, and I am at the bridal store.

Seven steps gone by and now I watch my baby cry.

But it all started with one step, two, and then I grew.